Familial Unfamiliar: Playing With Age, Playing With Taboo by Eve Minax

Although I am admittedly an unabashed pleasure monger and hedonist, how can I still be uncomfortable saying I like sexual activity with adult babies and littles? (Littles are adults who like to play younger, usually 4-16 years old but can be younger or older). Probably because we, as a society, cannot admit that these things can be sexy because they seem, (they aren’t), way too close to the “real” thing. Playing with age in an erotic fashion can be fun, sexy, and exciting because it’s so wrong. In a word, it can be a great way to play with taboo without feeling guilty about it. And just to be clear, I am speaking about consenting adults who wish to exchange power erotically in a “familial” way.

In addition to fun, age play can also lead to life changing experiences for those who have suffered childhood sexual abuse. Of course, tops playing with these very loaded areas need to be aware if the bottom is simply kinky, ie, in it for fun, or if they have long standing issues that need acknowledgement (or both!). If it’s the latter case, then they need to determine if the bottom is looking to heal their wounds or to aggravate them. Some people get stuck in their conditioning and find it hard to change – that’s where a strong dominant or top can help push the bottom; or back off, should they need to, (eg, declining a scene should they feel they would be continuing a cycle of abuse). Playing with age may facilitate healing of old wounds from childhood, but it is not the only course of action. Trauma needs understanding, nurturing, and professional care. BDSM and Kink can help facilitate that healing but is not a replacement for therapy.

Of course, these issues are never solved over night, nor are they simple. I suggest talking to your partner, ask a lot of clarifying questions, such as “what do you mean by that?” or “what does that look like to you?” and try to stay calm. If you find yourself ready to judge or react to judgement, take a breath and ask for a time out until you can find the space to discuss more objectively. If you feel you are ready to start doing some age play, start slowly, like talking about it in bed, maybe masturbating your partner while describing a possible scenario. Sometimes the best way to a really intense scene is to move slowly and don’t rush it. Let it build, there will always be surprises…

Finally, most Age Play depends on classic definitions of familial authority: Mommies, Daddies, Aunties, Uncles and more. But let’s face it, many “kids” these days are just too savvy to be obedient bottoms, and sometimes it’s the parents who need to be taught a lesson! I suggest trying a variety of inversions and perversions of typical family-play power dynamics in order to broaden your sense of what’s possible and fun. Consider techniques and strategies for dealing with bratty bottoms in age play scenarios, and more importantly, present a vision and strategy for letting the “little ones” call the shots and top from below. What happens when baby wants what it wants NOW … or junior stages a revolt… or Mommy has been bad? Down with the familiar; long live the new familial!

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Domina, Presenter, and Kink Coach, Eve Minax delights in proliferating carnal knowledge. She acts as Lead Staff Instructor for the Cleo Dubois Academy of SM Arts since 2002 and has exercised her pedagogical skills at a variety of conferences around the United States. Minax is a certified Sex Educator (SFSI), Urban Tantrika, and Bondassage Practitioner. Among other distinctions she recently co-authored “Bondassage: Kinky Erotic Massage Tips For Lovers” with Jaeleen Bennis. Previously, she wrote a regular column and hosted a kinky video program on Carnal Nation. Minax works consistently with SeriousBondage.com and self produces her own videos. Other studies include an MA in Cultural Studies focusing on Sexuality, NLP, NVC, DBT and she speaks French fluently. Always exploring, Minax maintains a loving and extended leather family throughout the world. You may find more information on her websites: eveminax.com, mistressminax.com, and you can follow her on Twitter and on Facebook .