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Video ~ Bondassage with Rachael Richards

December 9, 2014 By Admin Bondassage

Oh my goodness ~ Rachael’s new Bondassage video is gorgeous. Check it out!

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VIEW RACHAEL’S VIDEO

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rqzj2FgXtAw

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Searching For Love: Three Ways of Finding a Kinky Partner by Eve Minax

November 18, 2014 By Admin Bondassage

Several years ago, I was dining with an acquaintance who was a therapist. Chatting casually with mutual interest, midway through the meal she puts down her fork and looks at me from across the table and asks “do you think if we lived in another world, your work would not exist”? Now, assuming she meant a world of sexual happiness and fulfillment, I looked her square in the eye and responded, “no, but neither would yours”. This is not to say that sex educators and dominatrices are therapists, (although we offer therapeutic work), but that we do NOT live in a society without neurosis, hence relationship problems and general societal malaise. That’s why there are service providers who can assist our relationship needs in every sense of the word.

I’ve always said that people in kinky or BDSM relationships are not really different from “vanilla” or “mainstream” folk in that they still must find ways of communicating to their partners their wants, needs, and desires. In a word, they have to have strong relationship skills. Of course, it could, and has been argued, that people who practice BDSM tend to have healthier relationships, and I would suggest it is because they tend to be more honest and transparent with their partners, which alleviates a lot of guilt, shame, and general bullshit that muddles connection.

Half the battle in finding a partner who you can communicate with easily though may take some leg work. Through eliminating the possibility of guilt or shame around your desires by being with someone who is already on the same page as you, or at the very least open minded and interested in kink, you create more space for parity in relationship. Assuming you are “out” about your proclivities and hope to find a partner, how do you go about doing it?

Here are a few ways you can go about finding a kinky partner in life and love:

1. Dating Sites. There are now many sites that exist solely to help you find your mate! How to choose? One great site that carries a wealth of information and also has many forums for discussions and meetings around kink is Fetlife. Like Facebook, you set up a profile etc. unlike facebook, you can remain completely private while doing so. Sweet! There are also sites out there specifically geared towards dating where you can choose the type of person, education level, location, kink interests and in most cases, even the physique. Finding a Dominant Woman, for example, you might go here. Or looking for a D/s specific relationship? Try CollarSpace. Of course there seems to be something for everyone out there. Look what popped up when I simply googled “foot fetish dating”. Dating is not easy. Let some of these sites do half the work for you!

2. Hey, what walking away from your computer and meeting people live and in person? On Fetlife you can not only find discussion groups but also find a plethora of groups/munches meetings where people interested in kink/bdsm have a nosh in a public and non threatening environment, (ehem, like a restaurant), and they meet live. I just did a quick search in Omaha Nebraska and found two, better than nothing! And the social site Meetup also has many offerings for people of similar interests wanting to meet up. Bigger cities have more options. I just did a quick search on kink in Idabel, OK and nothing came up, but the good news is you can create your own. Afraid of being outed? Try putting in something less obvious like sexuality or sexual education or even alternative relationships. Who knows what might happen!

3. In my work, I’ve had many clients come to me discouraged around finding a partner with whom they can be open sexually, and in working with me, they have eventually made their fantasies reality! See ‘Fairy Tales Can Come True’ for more on that. Kinky dating does not have to be a struggle. I can help you from the start of the process (online dating to meet ups to partnering and how to discuss and make play happen in relationship) through other intricacies like polyamory, children, etc. I also have a vast array of colleagues I can refer you to. Check out my website EveMinax.com or MistressMinax.com or google in your area for an amazing professional who is willing, able, and skillful at helping you find a kinky partner.

I’d say Good Luck! but you won’t need it if you do the right thing in making it all happen.

How about Happy Hunting?

xoEve

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Domina, Presenter, and Kink Coach, Eve Minax delights in proliferating carnal knowledge. She acts as Lead Staff Instructor for the Cleo Dubois Academy of SM Arts since 2002 and has exercised her pedagogical skills at a variety of conferences around the United States. Minax is a certified Sex Educator (SFSI), Urban Tantrika, and Bondassage Practitioner. Among other distinctions she recently co-authored “Bondassage: Kinky Erotic Massage Tips For Lovers” with Jaeleen Bennis. Previously, she wrote a regular column and hosted a kinky video program on Carnal Nation. Minax works consistently with SeriousBondage.com and self produces her own videos. Other studies include an MA in Cultural Studies focusing on Sexuality, NLP, NVC, DBT and she speaks French fluently. Always exploring, Minax maintains a loving and extended leather family throughout the world. You may find more information on her websites: eveminax.com, mistressminax.com, and you can follow her on Twitter and on Facebook .

Fruits of Our Labor ~ By Eve Minax

August 28, 2014 By Admin Bondassage

Teaching is underrated and yet it never fails to give me a sense of accomplishment. I’ve been presenting on BDSM for almost 15 years and have some pretty wild stories to tell, but some of the most meaningful stories come from working with others. Enter the amazing Jaeleen Bennis to suggest we collaborate on a series of Master Classes for both Bondassage and Elysium. A few weeks back, we did just that and it was a blast! Of course, the collaborative work began months ago, and the manifestation of those efforts proved worthwhile. I really love working with colleagues, fellow professionals, “sisters” in the work. We don’t need to discuss morality or other rhetorical games, we simply get to exchange knowledge and sink into the comfort of each other for awhile, knowing that we can simply “be”.

It was a day long seminar, but it flew by in no time. First we started with protocol procedures…what can you do differently with each recipient of your touch? How do you decide? Since we are dealing with individuals and not cookies, we get to design our approaches according to needs and desires. Speaking of which, I rarely feel competitive as I think we all have somebody who will appreciate our artistry for our unique print upon it. That’s why having a template of Bondassage is so useful. Like Julie Andrews said “Some people regard discipline as a chore. For me, it is a kind of order that sets me free to fly.” Bondassage offers the discipline of the approach, the structure of the content, and then the practitioner gets to create her own scene. What glory!

As professionals, we get the chance to create the electrical energy rushes that exhilarate and liberate, and each of us brings our own special talents. The practitioners in this seminar had all kinds of wonderful tricks up their sleeves: nifty restraint, specialized body slides, edging techniques, fun toys and more esoteric wonders, we shared and played and laughed and worked. And back to Jaeleen, can I just say that some of her tips and tricks astound me? So simple, so practical, and yet in my 15 years, I’ve not thought of them. I use several regularly, just ask!

So, as we move into a day of tribute to “America’s Workers”, I’d like to express deep gratitude for my fellow practitioners in all fields of sexuality and the special clientele who help support our work.

Happy Labor Day!

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Talk is Not Cheap: Tips on Discussing Sexual Desires and Fantasies by Eve Minax

June 27, 2014 By Admin Bondassage

Sexual Desires are an integral part of every human being’s life, but often get repressed and discouraged by family and society. We are not born omniscient, we need to talk to each other to understand our wants and needs. Talking honestly about your sexual desires can only help improve your overall sexual satisfaction by teaching your partner how to take you to ecstasy instead of boredom, (some surveys find that around 30% of women fake orgasms). According to buzz.com “…only 58% of people are comfortable with telling their lover exactly what they want in bed, which is probably why only 38% are fully satisfied with their sex lives.” (These statistics vary between 38% and 44% worldwide.) Talking openly about your sexual desires with your partner(s) will lead to better sex and closer intimacy.

Further, sexual desires can often take the form of fantasy which initially at least, may or may not be acted upon, but will definitely help encourage more honesty in your relationship, therefore, deepening trust. Some people actively fantasize more than others, but we all do it. Recent statistics say 98% of men and 90% of women fantasize while masturbating or having sex. If we (mostly) all do it, why don’t we talk about it? Most people think it’s “cheating” to admit to fantasizing because it usually involves another person – not your partner! But it’s not cheating. It’s what our minds do. The more we can share our fantasies with our partner the more we’ll be able to:

-spice up our sex life
-deepen intimacy
-have some fun!

Some of us are more practiced at discussing sexual fantasies, but that should not stop anyone from being able to try (practice makes better!). Let the Approachable Pervert, (that’s me) help you along the way. It is my goal that we learn to discuss our fantasies without fear or judgment. By the way, did you know that sex with a stranger is number one on the list of women’s fantasies and group sex is rated very highly for all.

Here are some suggestions on how to discuss your fantasies and desires:

I always say it’s a good idea to bring up desires when you’re feeling cozy and safe, say lying in bed on a Sunday morning. Be forewarned though: it may lead to sex!

I also suggest that saying something in the heat of the moment works also, eg. “Spank me Daddy!” is sure to create conversation later.

Reading a book together with sexual material in it that you feel uncomfortable talking about readily, (or leaving it out in plain sight).

Watching a movie with a scene that particularly turns you on, then ask your partner about the scene later.

Finally, be patient and have compassion. Your partner may not feel immediately turned on by what some of the things you bring up, but if they learn how much it turns you on you they may change their mind.

Here are some phrases you can use to help break the ice around talking about your fantasies:

I really like it when you__________________________________________.

Looking at _______ reminds me of______, which I would love to do with you sometime.

I’ve never tried _______________________, but would like to with you/the right person.

I usually need to ______________________________ in order to orgasm/come.

I like hearing/smelling/tasting/feeling ________________ when I’m having sex.

I like the idea of __________________________________, but am afraid to try it.

Have you ever tried __________________________________________?

I would really like to do ________________________ to you.

Possible Responses:

Oooooooooh, that sounds interesting. I would be willing to try _______________.

I’m not sure I’m comfortable with that idea, but maybe in the future/with another person/after researching it further.

What do you mean by __________________________________________?

How do you think we could make that happen?

Sounds interesting, but not my cup of tea right now. (notice the “right now” does not cut out possibilities for the future).

Remember, there’s no need to have an unfulfilling sex life. It all starts with conversation. Next week we’ll discuss some common fantasies and how to go about playing them out!

http://articles.latimes.com/2008/mar/08/entertainment/et-book8

http://mamiverse.com/sexual-fantasy-how-much-is-normal-12837/

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Video ~ “What Is Bondassage?” An Interview with Eve Minax by Pleasure Mechanics

June 13, 2014 By Admin Bondassage

I forget how much I know until I get a chance to talk about Erotic Domination, Integrating Kinky Sex, Spanking, and of course Bondassage! I really LOVED talking with my friends from Pleasure Mechanics recently about all of those subjects and more.

Here’s a clip wherein I discuss the book Bondassage: Kinky Erotic Massage Tips For Lovers , what Bondassage is, and how it could work for you!

We are super pleased to support lovers pursuing pleasure in this world and my hand motions are hilarious!

Watch:

http://youtu.be/nEGmM9n3Hhs

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