Could your need for feeling in control be holding you back from an intense, connected, and satisfying sex life? Do you want to talk with your lover about adding some B.D.S.M. fun to your sex life? Are you ready to let go, be in the moment, and try adding in some kink into your love life?
Did you know, when exchanging power in your bedroom, that the person who is playing the submissive role has much as much power (or possibly more) as the person who is playing the dominant role? And, did you know that the partner who is playing the dominant role also needs to consider how they are going to nurture their “submissive” and plan for some after-care? All of these things are negotiated beforehand. (Check out our blog “We Want to Be Kinky, How Do We Do That.”)
Are you worried about asking your partner to dominate you? Do you think it will be embarrassing to let your lover know your desire to “play” as a submissive? I imagine if you are in a healthy relationship, your partner will be turned on by your open communication.
Are you too shy to BEG for it? Push yourself. Try it. See how your love responds. Leave all of your “to-do lists” somewhere else and beg for some hot sex or a sexy spanking. Forget that you are parents; forget that you have laundry that needs to be put away. Let go of those other identities and get into the headspace of being the Domme or the submissive in the bedroom.
“This emotional and psychological result is called a “subspace,” and is brought on by an influx of adrenaline and endorphins. Just like an orgasm, a subspace is difficult to explain as it differs person by person, particularly because of the varying emotions, responses, and reactions involved. A common misconception of BDSM scenes is that they only involve physical pain — such as floggers, whips, ropes, and other tangible objects. For those within a BDSM scene, subspace is an attainable goal that includes a trance-like euphoria of overtly intense emotions.”
Do You Crave Giving Up Control and Getting Into that Subspace?
According to a survey done by Durex (the condom people) in 2005 showed that 36% of U.S.couples are in a kinky relationship. (Compared to 20% of couples worldwide.) That survey was done before the book “50 Shades of Grey” became a social phenomenon. The new research shows that it’s more likely that about 85% of people having kinky sex lives. What are you waiting for?
Not sure how to surrender to your lover? We have 19 Kinky Tips For You:
- Have a discussion with your lover and let them know what you are thinking. If you are intimate enough to have sex, you should be intimate enough to share your fantasies.
- Get ENTHUSIASTIC consent for anything new and kinky. Consent is everything.
- Read some kinky erotica together.
- Grab your iPad or your laptop and browse some kinky sex toys and sex furniture online.
- Look for some blogs online that are focused on kinky couples and BDSM.
- Head to a local sex toy store together. (Or, when you are on vacation, check out the local sex toy stores in each city you visit.)
- Discuss your limits and boundaries with your lover. Communication is lubrication.
- Get a collar to wear when you are feeling in the mood to play submissive. When you put it on, you will signal to your lover and to your own brain that it’s time to get into that headspace.
- Buy some lingerie or gear that puts you in that kinky mood.
- Sign-up for a BDSM meetup or munch and meet other kinky people. Learn new kinky ideas from them.
- Become active members of your local kink community.
- Create a profile on FetLife you can both access. Scroll through all of the types of kinks that exist. There are thousands!
- Make a bucket list of all of the kinky ideas/themes you two come up with.
- Take turns restraining each other to see which role you prefer. Do you prefer being in control or giving up control?
- Experiment with some temperature play by drinking some hot tea or some hot chocolate. Then drink a cold glass of ice water and experiment with your cold tongue or hands.
- Take some naughty pics with our cell phone when you are home alone and send to your partner to give them some ideas you have in mind. Build up the anticipation.
- Invest in some noise canceling headphones for your playroom and play time.
- Ask your partner to spank you or paddle you and see if you like it. Switch it up and spank or paddle your partner and see if you prefer receiving or giving.
- Remember your aftercare commitment.
Sexy and Kinky Tips Online
We have so many more tips we are excited to share with you via our video course.
If you are married and are empty-nesters and are ready to reclaim your sex life now that the kids are all moved out you will love our Art of Bondassage course. Or, maybe you have been through an illness or menopause and your sex life can use some C.P.R. It happens in all relationships and there is no shame in asking your partner to help you with improving your sex life.
Do you want to stay together for a lot more years? Do you want to stay married, but need some professional help? A fabulous sensual massage can be orgasmic and when you both learn our techniques in our course, it will bring you both bliss. Think of it as an investment in your orgasms and well being.
We Would Love To Teach You How To Be Kinky
When you buy our course, you will learn to take turns being in the power position. If you are normally a more dominant lover, learn how to let go of the control to your lover and enjoy receiving a sensual massage. Learn more about impact play and edging. Let us teach you some techniques for nipple play that will bring you to the brink.
Whether you’re a novice or an experienced player, we’re delighted to be your guide on a journey of submission, exploration, and pleasure.
If you feel like our $97 course may be a little slow for you, we do also have an Advanced Bondassage Course for $395 . You can even pay for our $395 Advance Bondassage Course in 3 payments, too. Be sure to sign up for our HOT SEX TIPS newsletter here so we can keep your sex life smoking hot. (Read our blog about our Couples Kink Coaching here.)
Kinky Tips & Techniques For Couples Learning To Be Kinky
If you have married or in a long term relationship and want to keep your sex life healthy in marriage, we do offer private coaching. Our private coaching is in person and working with Jaeleen gives you the confidence and freedom to explore new techniques, new erogenous zones, and delicious new areas of sensory pleasure.
Our founder, Jaeleen, offers private coaching. “I’m a sensual domina, professional bodyworker, and the creator of Bondassage® and Elysium by Bondassage®. I’ve had the honor of introducing people around the world to the fascinating world of kink. Introducing couples to the art of Bondassage has increased their passion, deepened their connection, and spiced up their intimate playtime. I’d love to help you too!”
More about Jaeleen: I am a Certified Massage Therapist, Professional Domina, Reiki Master, Urban Tantrika, and Sensual Shaman with more than 25 years of experience. I have extensive training in several healing modalities, including Amma, Swedish, acupressure, shiatsu, deep tissue, sports massage, Reiki, rebirthing, polarity, trigger, and active release, Thai, Tantra, and Taoist Massage, Shamanic journeying, aromatherapy, and esoteric energy healing.
Email Jaeleen at jaeleen@ bondassage.com to introduce yourself to her and that will get your conversation going.
The setting for your erotic massage for your lover is going to be instrumental in helping your partner relax and enjoy themselves. We have some tips to make your space very sexy and relaxing, and we have some insider techniques that will drive them wild.
- A clean, quiet space in your home or hotel room with a comfortable (warm) room temperature and very relaxing lighting is key. (Go easy on the candles, fragrances, incense, and other things that can cause irritation or headaches.) Clear a large space on your bed or massage table and make sure you have it all prepped so when they walk in the room, they can switch their brain off and realize you have set up this lovely and sexy “gift” for them.
- Edible or organic massage oil that you know you both love will make things very tactile and lustful. This massage is going to be very slow and intentional. A long lasting massage oil like organic virgin coconut oil is a fabulous option. And, if you have lots of time to prepare, warm up the oil a bit under the warm water faucet. They will appreciate the attention to detail.
- Blindfolds make all the difference. (You can even treat them by having them wear earbuds or headphones, too.) The “mindfold blindfold” is a favorite of ours. It completely blocks out light, even with eyes open, and won’t smudge eye makeup. Excellent for play, sleep, and travel! While they are blindfolded, you can also experiment with using your breath on their erogenous zones along with your hands.
- Tease out your erotic massage! This massage is going to highlight the genitals and erogenous zones, but try to tease them. Get super duper close to them, but try to stay away from the “hot” zones as long as you can to make your lover’s climax especially deep and satisfying. You are basically going to try and “edge” them to get them very close to the orgasm than back them off from it once or twice (or dozens of times!).
- End the massage with your body on their body. Your massage will most likely start at or near their head and shoulders; you can wind a path down to their toes with your hands. To really amp up the intensity and hedonistic aspect of this sensual massage, make sure your lover has a nice coating of oil all over their body. Now, put your skin on their skin and you can slide around on their body so they feel all of your body parts all over their body while they are still wearing the blindfold. I sometimes call it the “adult slip and slide” technique. It also brings your mouths near each other which gives you the ability for some deep kissing, exploring, and teasing with your tongues. (We all know that married people and people in long term relationships sometimes forget to make out!)
BONUS : Bring a nice and quiet cordless vibrator, a piece of fur, some cool links of chain for some texture and tease play into your massage.
Want to learn even more techniques? If you are both agreeable and you want to try something new, start off with our $97 Art of Bondassage – our online course you can purchase here. Learn in the privacy of your own bedroom.
Or if you are ready for a little more adventure, you can also check out our The Advanced Art of Bondassage for $395 – this is our advanced online course and it includes the $97 Art of Bondassage we mentioned above. (You can even buy it in three payments.) Buy the Advanced Art of Bondassage here.
If your sex life needs some serious Sex C.P.R. – we also offer sex coaching. If the two of you have tried everything and you just cannot seem to get anywhere with improving our sex life, then you might want to consider coming to Northern California to the Santa Cruz area where we can do some sex coaching together.
My coaching is a very personal decision by you both. To make sure we are all on the same page, begin with an email to me and we can discuss if we are good fit for one another. It’s an investment I do not take lightly, so having a discussion first is a great way to make sure that we are a good match. Feel free to email me at email@example.com to start off this conversation. Be sure to read our blog “Can Kinky Sex Save My Sex Life” and get to know more about my in-person kinky coaching and more about me.